Friday, May 06, 2011

 

The Weirdo World of Disney


I know there are a lot of people who will be taking their kids to some kind of Disney Resort this summer, and I hope that you will first consider the very strange nest of relationships you will be introducing your children to. Below is a summary.

Mickey: Mickey is a mouse, albeit one who can drive a car, speaks standard English, and owns several businesses. He wears shorts, suspenders, but no shirt.

Minnie: Her full name is "Minerva," which is creepy enough. She is a mouse in some kind of mating relationship with Mickey, but that relationship with Mickey is fairly undefined-- she alternates between being a "girlfriend" and a "wife." She at times also goes shirtless.

Goofy: Goofy is a dog who is Mickey's best friend. This is unusual in itself-- a mouse should not have a carnivore for his best friend.

Pluto: Here is the heart of the weirdness-- Mickey not only has a dog for a best friend, but also has a PET dog, Pluto. Why doesn't Pluto run away, or eat his cruel owner? [Note: I have some personal issues with Pluto, as I have previously disclosed]

Chip and Dale: Chipmunks. I'm not sure how they fit in, but they should be eaten by Goofy.

The Little Mermaid: Ariel is a large Mermaid, with the nickname "The Little Mermaid." She ran the puppy mill where Pluto came from.

Princess: The Disney Princess is the daughter of the Burger King and the Dairy Queen. She is Minnie Mouse's best friend.

The rest of those guys, I don't understand at all. Feel free to fill in the gaps.

Comments:
Here's the gist:

Mickey's rival in a number of Disney productions is the tenacious Donald Duck.

Donald is, as his name implies, a duck--but he is one that wears a shirt (and often a sailor's cap) without any particular proclivity for pants.

Donald has three nephews, Huey, Dewey, and Louie--all of whom share his disinclination toward trousers.

When Donald enlists in the Navy (as all right and honorable Ducks do), his nephews go to live with their great-uncle, Scrooge McDuck.

Scrooge is a Scottish immigrant who manages to amass a great fortune in the US. Not surprisingly, Scrooge lends no credence to the concept of britches--though he does sport some sort of old-time foot coverings and spectacles.

According to Forbes Magazine, Uncle Scrooge is the third richest fictional character in the world, with an estimated net worth of $10.9 billion.

Because of his great wealth, Scrooge is able to manipulate the stock market and, through his holdings in the investment firm Goldman Sachs, was largely responsible for the so-called "great recession".

Glen Beck recently excoriated McDuck alongside George Soros as members of an elite conspiracy to establish a new world order. Furthermore, Walt Disney World is suspected by a number of federal agencies as being part of an elaborate money laundering scheme to "clean" cash from sales of cocaine, heroin, and whatever those chipmunks are on.

So there you have it: Mickey->Donald->Huey, Dewey, & Louie->Uncle Scrooge->New World Order.
 
There are also some of the newer characters that are less than appropriate role models for children:
1) Aladdin: teaches children that it is ok to commit fraud as long as you are doing it for a good reason, i.e. for a girl. He is like the Bernie Madoff of Disney, with a much different ending
2) The Beast: Let's be honest, he looks like a werewolf, shares a name with a WWE wrestler, and his best friends with a candlestick and a clock; not exactly how we envision our kids turning out.
 
Hey, Disney is not all bad! After all how many generations of kids have been introduced to great pieces of classical music (even if many of them still think, for example, Rossini's William Tell Overture is a Mickey Mouse tune). Then let us not forget Dumbo, the flying elephant, who proves that being challenged in every way is no deterrent for extraordinary feats, although I personally think a flying pachyderm can only mean bad news to air traffic control.
CTL, what's your take on Daisy?
 
CTL, I didn't realize that Donald Duck was in the Navy, but that does explain the outfit. Was he in an amphibious unit?
 
I am really rather enjoying the whimsical meanderings of your mind this morning...in fact laughing my guts out! Mickey is obviously genetics gone wrong,since he is larger than his pet dog. And since he has been genetically enhanced,one wonders if he does not,in fact,also possess superhuman powers,and therefore Pluto does not dare attempt to eat him. The Ducks and Minnie were raised in The South of France where it is acceptable and encouraged to go topless and bottomless. They are simply doing what comes naturally. But what of Tinkerbell. Her name is obviously an aberration of "Stinkerbell," which intimates she may have some personal hygiene problems and she is a fairy in love with a boy who refuses to grow up. Welcome to my world! The fact that she has to remain invisible is related to self-esteem issues. And what of Wendy who goes about all the time in a nightgown of sorts. Wendy,for crying out loud,get dressed or buy some decent lingerie! I don't know what my problem is but I find Captain Hook devilishly attractive with his long hair,mustache and peg leg. I have never gotten over the Sixties ("When the moon is in the Seventh House/And Jupiter aligns with Mars/Then Peace will guide the planets/And love will steer the stars.")
 
"Stinkerbell?" That may be a movie, but it's not by Disney. Kind of like that NC-17 remake of "The Lady and the Tramp."
 
Hey, hey, hey.....Renee....easy on the Wendy remarks!!!
 
And what about that Snow White? What is she thinking? She goes off all by her lonesome and lives in the woods with 7 dwarves,does she even think the woodspeople are not going to make presumptions concerning her relationship with these men and spread it all over the countryside so that the Wicked Queen will eventually find her. If she wants to hide why doesn't she chop off her hair and dye it blonde and move to Fargo? No,she moves in with the dwarves and does all their housework aided by wild creatures. What woman is eager to do that of her own volition? I think Snow had a few screws loose. C'mon Snow,get real. Birds are unwilling to dust. I implore them to do so nearly every day. Falls on deaf bird ears. Or beaks. And,Wendy,if the nightgown fits...
 
marta:

Daisy is a bit of an enigma. She is smart, articulate, and composed--basically everything her boisterous beau is not. I'm still not sure what to think of her.

Prof. Osler:

I had to Wikipedia this one...It turns out that Donald served in several branches of the military during his illustrious career (and served as a mascot for several divisions). In fact, he starred in a number of wartime propaganda films during the 1940's--the best known of which was called Der Fuehrer's Face, in which Donald is forced to labor in a munitions factory in Nutzi Land (Germany). The short film won an Oscar.

Also, today "Donald Duck...is a very popular character in Scandinavian countries" Go figure.
 
I'll bet it's the "no pants" thing that the Scandanavians like, with his tail hanging out and everything...
 
@ RJE...(laughing.)..indeed...
 
I think you Americans have a short-eyed view of the culture of Europe. Yes, we are comfortable with a certain bit of nakidity, which is just a natural manifest. However, many of Europe draw the lines with the nakedness of animals. You will notice that in Europe, cartoon animals such as Lyyggostn, the Olympic Mascot, have fully clothes. Donald the Duck is welcomed in Skandanavia because of his funny lines and walk.
 
From what I recall of European cartoons they all looked like caricatures of the characters they were portraying and with the exception of the Asterix series they were not much fun...unless one likes that snooty European stuff. Even Asterix had a bit of that going on, but I found it amusing...like their names, the village pharmacist Getafix or the resident musician Cacofonix, but nothing close to the mutant seafood sounding Lyyggostn. What is that "the Continental" some funny looking langoutine?
 
I would like to point out that the dogs I know have no interest in mice. My cats on the other hand would have a field day with Mickey and Minnie. Given that, Pluto and Goofy are well suited to be Mickey's companions in mischief.
 
If you had daughters, the Princess thing would make more sense... in a perverse way.
 
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